Superman
by Lady Saffir
Summary: Heero's thoughts about his life. Based off the song 'Superman' by Five for Fighting


Superman  
  
By Lady Saffir  
  
DISCLAIMER: I own neither the song, Superman, by Five for Fighting, or the characters from Gundam Wing.  
  
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//I can't stand to fly   
I'm not that naive//   
  
He could still feel those first sickening moments, that brief period of time when his body hadn't been his to control.  
  
He had frozen, had let panic set in. Terrified, he could only cling to the controls and clench his teeth. His control had gotten better over time, but the first few seconds of every flight made him detest the feeling of vertigo produced.  
  
//I'm just out to find   
The better part of me//   
  
He could be self-sufficient, if he had to. His past was filled with such moments, when he had no friends, no family, nothing.  
  
That was changing now. He had friends, and they were becoming family to him. The four men that had fought with him had built a bond that was much stronger than any blood could form.  
  
He had found love, even. Well, he thought it was love. It felt like it was a necessary part of living, an addiction to her soft words and heated touch. And if it wasn't love, he hoped to never find out otherwise.  
  
//I'm more than a bird...I'm more than a plane   
More than some pretty face beside a train//   
  
First Odin Lowe, then Doctor J had placed so many burdens and expectations on his young shoulders. They had instilled the need to be perfect in every aspect of life. He could dance, write political commentary, play the part of a young aristocrat, and just as easily become a poor beggar. He knew every walk of life and could live each one just as easily.  
  
His missions, once fun and exciting, had lost their sparkle as he grew. The risks and dangers became more apparent, the window of opportunity more narrow. Yet he performed all of them.  
  
Because he had to.  
  
//It's not easy to be me//   
  
Some of his injuries had left a permanent mark upon his body. His broken leg, so hastily set and left to heal, had developed an ache at the fracture that almost never went away.  
  
His vision and hearing had suffered as well, sacrificed for countless battles. They were still considered superior to the 'norms', but he could tell a marked difference. He relied on instinct more than he used to.  
  
//Wish that I could cry   
Fall upon my knees//   
  
He had felt a helpless rage so many times. Mostly for her sake, but as often as not for his own. Why couldn't the world understand that they had given so much for so many? That they too needed their peace, their quiet to enjoy the world around them?  
  
She was so much better at holding this frustration back than he. He could count on one hand the number of times she had allowed an outburst to escape her lips.  
  
All he wanted to do during these times was whisk her away to some land that would leave them be, let them relive the shared agony, let them move on with their lives.  
  
Let them be normal.  
  
//Find a way to lie   
About a home I'll never see//   
  
Who was he? From a genetic standpoint, he had no idea. No records to be traced, no hazily recalled name to start with. He had no history.  
  
She, on the other hand, had so much. Two families, actually, so he supposed she didn't mind sharing with him. They had spent countless hours tracing her true family's past, learning the quirks and traits her ancestors had been known for. The measure of peace they both received from such trips was well worth any trouble.   
  
//It may sound absurd...but don't be naive   
Even Heroes have the right to bleed//   
  
He could remember the looks of shock he had received any time help or need was admitted. See the contemplative expressions on his friends' faces as they saw another side of the 'Perfect Soldier', the one that was human and mortal.  
  
//I may be disturbed...but won't you concede   
Even Heroes have the right to dream//   
  
The Zero System had left nightmares, half-remembered things that woke him in the middle of the night drenched in a cold sweat.  
  
He could still recall the images the system had fed into his brain. Usually of his gruesome death, but towards the end she was there, a hope to show him a future he dared not think or dream of.  
  
//It's not easy to be me//   
  
Everyday was a battle to stay sane. The politicians, the reporters, the everyday people, all wanted a glimpse into the shared life of the Vice-Foreign Minister and the war hero. Twice now, they had allowed a TV personality to enter their home and film their daily lives, to ask personal questions. Yet the requests and demands for more knowledge hadn't ceased; not even a reprieve.  
  
//Up, up and away...away from me   
It's all right...You can all sleep sound tonight   
I'm not crazy...or anything...///   
  
After the first few nightmares, she had hesitantly asked if he wanted to see someone, perhaps share his thoughts and feelings.  
  
He could only smile at her and pull her close. No, he would share those horrid moments with no stranger, only those who had experienced first hand the mental anguish they had been subjected to.  
  
Many a night, after the last war, the five of them would get together at one or another's place. And slowly through the night the confessions would slip out, along with the tears and rage, the feeling that insanity was slowly gripping their minds.  
  
No, they weren't crazy. But if it had to happen, he supposed it was best that all of them were insane, instead of one or two of them. But that would never happen; each had someone to keep them firmly entrenched in the real world.  
  
//I can't stand to fly   
I'm not that naive   
Men weren't meant to ride   
With clouds between their knees//   
  
He had decided long ago that he would never step foot in the cockpit of a Gundam, even if his life depended on it. Maybe for her, but never just to keep his own life. The feelings he had experienced those short years ago were something he never wanted to feel again in this lifetime.  
  
//I'm only a man in a silly red sheet   
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street//   
  
A tabloid one time had called him 'Superman', had named him a mythical being that could withstand anything and had only one weakness. He had laughed at first, then decided that perhaps the reporter wasn't so far off. He could and would do anything to ensure his way of life was maintained. And he did have a weakness; two actually, now that this newest addition to their family was here. It was a weakness he would gladly embrace though.  
  
//Only a man in a funny red sheet   
Looking for special things inside of me//   
  
He knew his self-worth now, and took pride in the things he was able to accomplish everyday. He didn't have to be in the limelight to help others. He enjoyed slipping through a crowd anonymously, helping strangers with whatever they needed, feeling absurdly pleased when he received a soft 'thank you' from someone.  
  
//It's not easy to be me.//   
  
Yes, his life hadn't been easy, but lingering in the past would only bring more pain. He would enjoy whatever the future brought, and looked forward to the joys family would bring. Doubtless the tiny girl child he held so close to his heart would cause more than a few gray hairs, but as long as his wife didn't mind them, he wouldn't either.  
  
For now though, he was content to hold his daughter and regale her with tales of his youth. After all, this newest generation must never forget the past that was their heritage. 


End file.
